Online Dating – More Normal Than Meeting in a Bar?
I distinctly remember a time in my youth during Sociology when we debated the merits of online dating. Without making me sound old (which in media years I am now) – 13 years ago when this conversation was had internet dating was very much in its infancy. The younger and more judgmental me dismissed it as something for losers who cant meet people in a normal way.
Fast forward to 2009 and now – particularly in London – meeting people via internet dating is absolutely the norm. Sites like match.com / Sarah Beeny’s mysinglefriend have not only made online dating cool but are huge media properties with big marketing budgets to match.
Recent conversations have, however, re-ignited a couple of negatives in my mind about online dating::
1 – it takes away the rule of “opposites attract.” Because it allows you to be so specific on criteria and do extensive window shopping before you try you might instantly disregard someone who, if you’d met by chance, could have sparked up something really interesting (“Loves motorbikes and photography and is excellent marriage material,,,, er no thanks!).
2 – the grey area of when you should stop dating other people. I have a friend (yes really a friend and not me) who is internet dating 3 / 4 guys. With a couple of these guys she is up to 3+ dates. When I asked at which point it becomes a relationship she sort of shrugged says she’s not really keen on any of them for a relationship and they’re probably still dating other people too. Very difficult etiquette rules that I dont understand!
Anyhoo. Other than that – I would say online dating has been one of the major plus points about the invention of the internet. It certainly gets around the awkward re-meeting of someone in a bar when you’re praying they actually looked ok and that they werent an axe wielding maniac because lets face it, you couldnt’ really remember either way on both counts.
Your thoughts?
March 24th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
You’re right – just ten years ago online dating was left to those who were perceived as sad or desperate… or maybe they were just early adopters and pioneers of a new social phenomenon.
I was intrigued with your comments on the negatives of online dating. Like meeting someone in real life there are pitfalls and negatives but one of the great things about going online is that you can open up your network. By going out more you’ll be boosting your confidence and meeting lots more people. Sure it might not work out but they might have a hot mate who is perfect for you.
I agree that people may tend to stick to their comfort zone and that’s one area that we’re trying to push the boundries – we’re always telling members to open their minds. Don’t stick to a stereotype – date older/younger people; perhaps date someone blond if you like brunettes.
We also tell members to work at the online dating, rather than sitting and waiting for someone why not send ten emails to ten different people – it will certainly improve your time online.
Whilst you might think it weird that your friend isn’t worried about dating 3+ people we think its brilliant. American Dating is a massive trend here in the UK; online dating shouldn’t and isn’t just about “finding the one”. We want people to get out there and have fun – pining your hopes on a site to provide you love is dangerous and not at all realistic.
This trend isn’t just in the UK either – Australians are doing the same. http://www.smh.com.au/news/lifeandstyle/lifematters/single-and-loving-it/2009/03/18/1237054864876.html